An excerpt from a piece I wrote.

I’ve been going through some pretty dark depressive episodes as of recent. I have yet to figure out just what it is that I’m dealing with. Haven’t yet placed a finger on the problem, however, I have been writing some more.

You can say NO — Ascerblog

Stop allowing people to talk you into situations you know you don’t want to be in. Life is too short to spend it trying to please everyone all the time. Or trying to tiptoe around everyone in order to not hurt their feelings. You can NOT please everyone all the time. You’ll run yourself rugged…

via You can say NO — Ascerblog

Conquered

There are a lot of things that I am afraid of, showing my body off is one of those things. However, lately I have been doing just that!!! I’m not entirely sure how this happened though. I have spent the past three and a half years covering up my body and shielding it from the world. Whether it be during the cold seasons when it was necessary and I didn’t get confusing looks, to all the way through the hot seasons where people thought I had gone mentally insane. There was never anything I had to hide anyway, a few scars on my wrist and a few on my upper thigh, which people were bound to see either way, in other words I wasn’t ashamed of them; why should I be? they re apart of my life. It was the things I had no control of that I worked so hard to keep hidden, things like my stomach, my boobs, my arms that just aren’t skinny enough. These things that prompted me to hate myself, the same things that made me suffer throughout my life. I am a senior in high school and I have two weeks of school left before I am finally done and out of this hell. Right know I am wearing a sleeveless crop top, something that if two years ago you had paid me to wear in public for a day I would not have done it. I guess I felt like I had nothing to lose, this is my last chance to make an impression on my peers and show them how far I have come. It’s petrifying yet incredibly liberating at the same time. There is only me and I love me. 

Cold

 

      I am bitterly cold; So frigidly ice cold. The only warmth I regain is that of the crimson stream which flows from my snow white skin. The red is a beautiful contrast to my monochromatic life. I would say the pain is viscous but that would make me a fabricator. In total infallibility I feel vacant, my body is always rushed with endorphins. The melancholy  feeling creeps up upon me as I keep on moving. Nothing changes nor will it ever change. I am content with my solemn being. 

A Few Quotes on Patience — Ascerblog

Sometimes I need a reminder that God’s timing is perfect and that mine is flawed. I must trust Him and confidently know that God has my back. “God loves you so much that he is willing to hold something from you for the perfect time!” ― Rachel Hamilton “Keep the faith. The vision is always…

via A Few Quotes on Patience — Ascerblog

World Bipolar Day — This Girl’s Got Curves

Apparently today is World Bipolar Day. I find these things out from twitter. I am glad such a day exists because it helps raise awareness about a still oft stigmatized brain disorder. Maybe it will reach some people, or maybe it will just make some other people feel less alone. Either way, it is a […]

via World Bipolar Day — This Girl’s Got Curves

Great Read!!

Artist, Poet, Musician, Movie Director and Photographer Álvaro Robles G is the Edge of Humanity Magazine contributor of these images. To see Álvaro’s body of work click on any photograph. See also: Drawings By Álvaro Robles

via Artist Exposé – Painting Bright Colors — Edge of Humanity Magazine

My Art

Caverns

Flower Bomb

 

Uncompromising Means Defeating Fear

Uncompromising“>via Daily Prompt: Uncompromising

To make a compromise is to bend your own rules for the benefit of another. I have always done this to ensure the happiness of others as well as to have an excuse as to why I can’t stand up to my own internal demons… When it came to my mental health I was always afraid to touch it, this meant that I resented any help. It ruled me (a story I wrote about how my mental illness controlled my life ).  

I guess you could say that something in me knew that if I tried to fight it I would lose. I had that idea in my mind for a few years, even going through therapy I knew it was a lost cause. I compromised my life for this winter storm that was ragging under my skin. I compromised my psychical health, mental health, social health and ultimately my entire life for this seed of pity I had inside of me. 

It took me an incredible amount of time to come to the realization that my personal happiness is something I could never negotiate for anyone or anything, including myself. I deserve   to have confidence and inner peace. It’s almost hypocritical of me to be saying any of this because for so many years of my life I had so many people telling me the exact same thing but I pushed them away and ignored their words. 

I am uncompromising when it comes to my mental health. I put my foot down and do not plan on picking it back up. I think as people we see everything as negotiable but we neglect the fact that some things are the way they are for a reason and other things are meant to be manipulated, that’s the beauty of life; You have to figure out which things are the way they are for a reason and which things are not. Luckily, I figured out that my mental health was meant to be manipulated.  

Control and Self Harm

I was never able to answer the question, “Why do you want to inflict pain on yourself?”. It was just as a mystery to me as it was to the inquisitive folk; Truthfully there was no real answer, it was always just because it makes me feel good. As sadistic as it sounds it did feel good, of course it hurt but there was always something about the sense of power it gave me. You see, I was lacking control in my life… I had little to no control over my emotions, seemingly no control over my life, nor any control of what would happen next; However, there was one thing I was sure I had control over and that was hurting myself. I could administer as much pain as I wanted, whenever I wanted and wherever I wanted, this gave me the dominance that I had been yearning for. And from that dominance I grew, if I had not discovered the reasoning behind my self harm I don’t think I would be able to state how strong I am today. It takes a lot out of you and that’s what people neglect to see. I learned that at a very young age that sometimes in order to get better you have to experiment with different things, you have to put yourself through hardships if you want a real glimpse into reality. This goes without saying (or at least it should), I am not promoting self harm in the slightest, in fact, there are many other ways to find your power, safer ways to say the least. Anyways, I’m sitting at my desk writing this today because it dawned on me how ignorant so many people are to this, we shouldn’t push it under the rug. I also wanted to offer alternatives to self harm — To those who are thinking about hurting yourself or anyone who has hurt themselves in the past, hear me out. You have everything to live for. Do not cut yourself, do not burn yourself, do not hit yourself, do not drink yourself to death, just do not hurt yourself. Trust me when I say this, there are so many other things you could do, why do you think I’m sitting here writing? And to the people that are new to this, do not look at self harm as a plea for social attention, rather you should be looking at it as  a plea for help or control. I know not everyone has the same views as me and that’s fine but take this into consideration, if you feel you have no one just remember that some random person on the internet (me) gets it.